Warning!

Ten worst Christmas gifts to buy a woman

Be prepared to run

Observer Staff

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Observer Staff

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news@leitrimobserver.ie

Ten worst Christmas gifts to buy a woman

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum.

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "This Windolene should last you a while." "I also got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run.

3. Any sharp objects which slices or dices, or a set of kitchen knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home from a late "night out with the boys."

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a bad gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pyjamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is.

6. No name perfume which costs you €1.99, such as Eau de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, mouldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewellery. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.)

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. But believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "Where the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?"

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Slimming World or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these trousers make me look fat?" If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to).

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream. This is not a gift!!! It is a reason for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.