Sometimes you just can't win

COLUMN: I 'wheelie' don't want to do this....

Leonie McKiernan


Leonie McKiernan

Co. Tipperary people urged to donate their old bikes to Rebike Ireland

So I'm hitting the road again....

If you are taking to the roads over the next few weeks, brace yourselves, I'll be hitting the roads myself - on two wheels this time. It promises to be a white knuckle experience for everyone. Sorry about that.

Yes, after two years of studiously not making eye contact with the bicycle stored in my garden shed, I am committed to dusting her off and figuring out why the wheels no longer spin and then, (gulp) hitting the road.

In the interests of everyone I shall not be donning anything remotely reminiscent of lycra - until I've cycled the equivalent of Mizen to Malin Head. This is primarily so I do not cause any psychological damage to other road users but also to, avoid any potential injury to myself, as a result of trying to remove tight cycling shorts.

In anticipation of this 'blessed' return, I'd just like to issue the following apologies in advance:

- Sorry for swearing - If you do chance to see me muttering to myself as I cycle along, please be aware that I am not twittering on about the view or the exhilaration of cycling away in lovely locales. No, I will be swearing and probably telling myself there is a reason why God saw fit to allow me to pass my driving I could avoid cycling.

- I am sorry for waving at you - The only plus to being shortsighted is that when I see myself first thing in the morning, I don't realise how bad I look. The downsides are many and will inevitably mean that I will be waving at every car, truck and person I meet - and possibly a few fence posts or signs or, you know, anything that could be mistaken for a person. Only intervene if I am waving at you with both hands or, you know, waving while face-down in a ditch.

- Resist the urge to call an ambulance for me - I know that exercise brings out the best in some people. I am not one of them. I will look like I am on my last legs. I may even look like an intervention is needed. Ignore me, for all our sakes.

- Ignore me if you see me physically attacking my bike - I've probably reached breaking point if this happens. Just don't make eye-contact. Drive on and possibly contact my husband, if you know him, so that he can stock up on chocolate bars to throw at me when I finally crawl back through the front door.

Other than that, I'm sure everything will be fine....sort of.